A Little of Everything

Happy Tuesday!

     Happy Tuesday everyone. :D Today feels like a good day. I love the days you wake up early and feel like "something's in the air.... I'm not sure what, but I like it. I can do anything today!  ;) " Those days are spread pretty far apart for me, but when they happen I try to take advantage of them. 

      So I don't have any life long lesson to tell you guys about today, but I'm still going to blog, because I'm in a good mood and blogging makes me happy. (andddd I can log school time for it ;)) 

     A Little More About The Project

     Proposing this as my senior project was a lot of work... I haven't really talked about all the lists and planning that went into it, but it took a long time, so I feel like I should show you some stuff. This is a screen shot of the meetings I have with my adviser once-twice a week. He shows me this list and we talk about how the different tasks are going. He helps make sure I'm actually doing what I need to be doing ;) and he offers help and supports me. Larry- you're awesome. Thanks for everything. :)

This is some brainstorming I did for the project. 

My original gliffy (which I can't find now... other wise I would show you) was a huge mess, so thank you so much Kristen for sitting with me over skype for hours fixing my jumbles :)

Here's the link if you want to check it out! This was a LOT of work. 

That's all I want to show you of that for now, I just wanted to give you a taste of how much work putting together a senior project actually is...

A Little More About Me

     Because I have nothing specific to say today, I'm going to tell you a little more about me, (If you actually don't me, you probably have no idea about who I really am; except that I love Jesus, music, and brownies. haha ;) ) 

Fun facts, here we come 

1) I'm an artist. I've been painting and drawing as long as I can remember, here's the extent my art has come to:

     Last school year I did a project on hand painting umbrellas. I love umbrellas because they're cute and they're associated with rain, which is the best thing to ever fall from heaven. (aside from the first snow of the year. of course.) 

     One of them is themed Paris  because Paris is beautiful and I may have a little bit of an obsession... and one of them I painted for one of my best friends for her birthday; so it has best friends all over it. :) Friendships are very important to me.

Haha oh my gosh I just told you like six fun facts in one.... I may as well make it seven. (which is my favorite number.<<bonus. ;) 

       7) Let me explain the two girls with the hula hoops on the friendship umbrella. I'm a Hoop dancer. This very special friend of mine introduced me to hoop dancing. If you have no earthly clue what that is, it's dancing with a hula hoop. It sounds weird, but I promise it's cool.  here's the first video I ever saw, if it inspires you, go buy a dance hoop and watch some youtube tutorials. I couldn't even hula hoop around my waist when I started two years ago, so I'm pretty sure if you set your mind to it, you got this. ;) This is my way of de-stressing, feeling good about myself, expressing feeling through dace, and my way of staying thin. ;) Some day soon I will make a video for evidence and share it on my blog so you guys can see what I can do. 

^this really is me guys :D ^

     A Little About the Music :)

     My guitar is going really well. I'm working hard on it and pushing farther and farther. Yesterday I had a 45 minute practice and my fingers weren't even sore. ;) I feel insecure playing around people, partly because I don't feel like I can really play yet, because my dad is just sooo good. It's a hard act to follow; but things are getting better, and I'm getting a lot faster at chord changes. :)

     

     Last week my dad and I got two guitar hangers for my wall, and since I just re-did my bedroom, my Epiphone sg and my Fender Acoustic look beautiful! I love seeing them when I walk in. <3

     I wrote another song recently, it's called "Here I Go" and it's about leaps of faith and how I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I said I'd do anything for God... I think it will be pretty good  when we're done with it. :) 

     I love love love being involved in the worship band at my Youth Group. It's helping me to be comfortable worshiping on a stage, and It's increasing my singing skills a lot; with the help of the Ken Tamplin Program, I think I'm getting better already!

Thanks for Caring!

     Seriously, thank you so much for reading the posts like this that don't really matter and don't have a point except for updating you. It means so much to me that there are people out there who care that much about what I'm working so hard on. 

     I'm plotting on in my musical journey, I'm distractable, really bad at organizing my life, and a huge procrastinator.... but it's the people who care and support me anyway that keep me wanting to go on. It's people like you, who made it through this post and are praying for me and encouraging me, that remind me I'm not alone. I can do this, but I need you guys-so thanks. :) 

     Have a wonderful week! Remember how loved you are <3

~Arianna Rose 

Trust Me, He Didn't Get Your Recipe Wrong

Hello There!

     Hey guys, I'm back. :) Life is a lot harder to write about when nothing's happening, ya know? For so long I haven't known what to write about. I've been sitting around waiting for something amazing and inspiring to happen to me; waving it's way into my life with a bright colored flag that says "Blog me! Blog me!" Just one, little golden nugget of "Wow, was that a learning moment."

I love those moments.

I LIVE for those moments. 

But no moment came, and last week I was all prepared to get over myself and admit that life isn't always going to teach you something remarkable. I told myself to just sit down and write about what I'm learning and not worry about the fact that I haven't learned anything awesome recently. (I tell myself a lot of things. I'm weird like that. )

     But then, just when I seriously thought I was gonna have to talk about nothing, it happened. Sometimes life can be nice to you. Sometimes. ;) 

(Hang on, Spotify just totally threw off my groove. :P Anyone else thing the "turning Halloween" ad is really weird?!) (Ah that's better. Music helps everything guys, but we know that. ;) ) 

   That Long Awaited "Moment"

     I was upstairs chatting with one of my favorite girls, and my dad called me downstairs. I told her I'd be right back. Poor girl, She had no idea. I had no idea. 

     Apparently I had forgotten about soup in a pot on the stove and not put it away. I forget a lot of things. (I'm special like that.) 
     As I was putting it away my dad started to talk. I don't remember what he said first, but he's a lot like me, which meant I would be there awhile... ;)

     We sat there talking about everything from cars to dog food (literally) for like an hour, and then the conversation turned to music. Two musicians = What can you expect? 

That Weird Banana Question...

     We talked about his days on stage and lots of other things, (by this time it was past midnight) and then he said "I'll leave you with this little music secret, Arianna." 

My ears perked. 

I like secrets. ;)

Then he grabbed a batch of bananas off the table and held them up. "Is this appealing?" were his exact words.

Heehee... pun pun pun ;) (sorry not sorry. I was looking for a picture of bananas for ya'll and found this. it was too funny. I smirked when he said it too ;) )

     

     *Ahem* done laughing now. Promise. 

     

     Anyway... I gave him a weird look, and he said "not like... peeling, but appealing, is it pretty? or.. nice? or whatever."

"I guess so... I mean, I never thought about it before, but yeah, sure."

"Okay, well, what would you say if someone painted this bunch of bananas exactly like it is?"

(I seriously didn't know where he was going with this...) 

"Um... I would say "wow!" and "that's amazing." I guess.."

"Right" he said, looking like he'd just made his first point, "but you wouldn't want to buy it and hang it on your wall or anything... right?"

"no... not really."

(still no clue...)

His Point Was?

He put the bananas down. "He're my advice" he said, "If you write something that you really don't like, it's probably really good, and if you write something that you think sounds pretty good, it's probably never going to be a hit."

this is when I thought "Well someone's lost his marbles..." because honestly... that made no sense. Yet I still held a tiny hope that what he said had reason behind it, because I haven't been totally happy with any of my songs yet... and I've been despairing about that fact lately.

     Then He Finally Started Making Some Sense...

      "What I mean darling," he seemed to catch on that I thought he was crazy, " is that no one likes a copy-cat." 

This was my all-too-blonde-sounding "ohhhhhhh..." moment. 

     His point was this: If you heard someone who was trying to sound like Owl City, would you think "Heyy this is my jam!" or would you be offended, and think things like "They don't do it nearly as well..." and "Who do they think they are anyway?!" My answer is a lot closer to the second one. 

     There are different styles of music, but no two famous musicians or bands sound exactly the same, even if they're in the same genre! The very reason they're famous is because They.Are.Them. 

      How do you know when you hear your favorite band/artist? When you're flipping through the radio how do catch their voice in a second? Because they are themselves. They're not trying to copy someone else or sound like someone else, they're trying to sound like them. 

     That was my dad's point. No one wants me to sound exactly like Britt Nichole, or Meredith Andrews. If they like me, it will be because they like me, not because I'm trying to copy their other favorites.

The Composer Who Hated His Song

     My brother (who is pretty much a walking dictionary) told me the other day that an interesting fact about Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. (Try pronouncing that. I dare you.) He was the composer of the music in the Nutcracker Ballet. The interesting thing, is that he hated his song "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" and never dreamed it would be one of the most famous one he wrote.

(if you don't know which one I'm talking about, here: you'll remember it pretty quickly, I think we've all heard it. Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy )

     My guess is that he hated it because it was different from what the other composers were doing... and because it was different, he was insecure about his own style. Who would like it? Apparently a lot of people... He seriously had no idea. 

     That's what my dad was talking about when he said "If you don't like it, it's probably really good, and if you think it's really good, it's probably never going to be a hit"
       People like what they're familiar with, but an artist's job isn't to be familiar, it's to be bold, daring, and original. To make new things, and teach people that there are no limits.
     That story helps my security a lot, because as I've said before, an artist is never happy with their work. I've wished and wished to make my songs sound more like what the other artists were doing, but I'm learning that that's not what I need to focus on. 

Be Yourself, cuz Everyone Else is Already Taken

     We've heard this/seen it all kinds of places, but I just think it fits so well right here. This goes for more than just musicians. Everyone should be themselves. Would you rather have the wrong people like you for who you are when you're fake? Or have the right people love you for who you are when you're real. 
     Gosh I love real people. I love getting to the core of someone's heart, I love seeing who they are underneath, imperfections and all. I adore seeing them open up and let themselves realize who they are, through and through. As I said before, I live for those "moments." 

     I leave you with this today, There is nothing you could ever be, that would be better than who God made you to be. What He put deep inside of you was made to touch lives and change other people for the better, don't hide it. Trust me, God didn't get your recipe wrong. Be You, through and through, because  

You are most beautiful when you are real. 

~Arianna Rose

Perfectly Imperfect, and Perfectly Okay with That

Hello Again!

Hey everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. I have had a full couple of weeks and was unable to post the last two Tuesdays. I got a new computer, so even though I was planning to post yesterday I couldn't because I couldn't get back into my google account! After a lot of work and some help from my advisor I'm finally in, so here we are on Wednesday and I'm finally posting about something that happened about a month ago. Isn't it funny how life works? :)

Valley Fair Day

     Apparently, my grandpa loves roller coasters. I guess I was surprised by this? I don't know why but somehow I never thought about older people enjoying thrills like roller coasters. I personally have been very traumatized a time or two, but it's kind of fun. Somehow. I really can't explain how I feel about those rides, it's a love/hate thing. 

     Anyway, because my grandpa wanted to go, my mom planned a day at Valley Fair for her, my aunt, my sister, my grandpa, and me.

   Oh it was loads of fun, so much in fact that I was sure I had gained five pounds by the end of the day. (but hey, what's a trip to valley fair without deep fried oreos and over-sized turkey legs wrapped in bacon??)

We walked by the karaoke area several times. I always walked a little extra fast. In all the years I've been at Valley Fair I've weaseled my way out of singing there. There was a little difference in the fact that my grandfather had joined us this time... Every time we went by, there was usually someone singing who...well.... shouldn't be singing. But hey, karaoke is something you don't have to be good for, I'm not judging. 

And then it happened...

     "Oh Arianna you've got to save our ears!" my mother had started her pushing and prodding shorty after we sat down to eat unfortunately close to the karaoke stage. I had said no over and over again but you know how mothers are.... the my grandpa chimed in, saying he'd like it very much if I would sing for him. "Ughhhhh" was all I could think. I did not want to do this. I knew it would sound awful. I had been eating junk food and screaming my lungs out all day. This wasn't the ideal time to go up and sing... at all. 

     When I finally consented, it was for the sake that my grandfather would have some good memories, because this was possibly the last time he would ever go to Valley Fair. We looked through songs for almost 45 minutes! I couldn't decide, and I sat there getting more and more upset about the whole thing. We finally settled on "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic. That's a hard song, and even harder when your voice box has been screaming all day... 

And I Killed It, literally... 

     Oh was it not perfect. I was shaking. My voice cracked near the beginning even though I was trying with all my might to keep my cool, to think about how this wasn't even supposed to be a big deal, to imagine I was Rose singing for everything I felt after loosing Jack. Nothing fixed it, but I did it anyway. I made it through, I sang my very best, and I did it.

 Believe it or Not, I Learned Something from Michael Jordan.

     I knew it wouldn't be good. I knew I wouldn't have a moment like Gabriella in High School Musical when she was forced into karaoke and the movie-moment happened and she rocked it. I so badly wanted a move-moment. Those moments that feel out of a story-book. "She was so scared, but she did it, and she blew everyone away." that's what I wanted to be able to tell my blog followers, and that's what I wanted to be able to remember, to remind myself of as I continued through this music journey; but of course, I was disappointed. 

     As I thought about it for the next few days, I realized that it was okay. Yes, it wasn't perfect, but I knew it wouldn't be. That's why I didn't want to do it, right? Well I have news for you. That was a really bad reason.

     I'm not much of a sports fan, and I never expected to learn anything from a basketball player, but this quote from Michael Jordan says everything I learned from this whole experience.

     

   

     Our lives aren't from a movie. My life will never go like a perfect story book. I will never be good on stage until I'm brave enough to go through being bad first. This is possibly one of the most important lessons I could've learned as I'm becoming more and more of a musician, so I had to share it with all of you. I want to remind you, and I will constantly remind you, because it's one of my very favorite things to say... Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful. In fact, it's those beautiful imperfections that make it unique, that make it your very own story, that make it so special. We certainly aren't perfect, but in God's eyes, we are SO beautiful. 

     It is my goal to remember that through Jesus I am perfectly imperfect, and beautifully unique. Stage after stage, I will freeze, be terrified, and mess up, but I will keep trying until I get better. This is a journey, this is my life, not an hour and a half long film, and I'm so thankful for that.

Other Than That... :)

     Other than that, Things are going really well! I'm ordering my singing program this week, and I've been practicing guitar and getting farther and father. I even have some baby calluses coming that I'm ridiculously  proud of. ;) 

     Well, I'll see you all soon! God bless each and every your of you perfectly imperfect hearts, and remember to be brave enough to fail, so that you can learn to succeed. <3

~Arianna

The Journal that Changed Everything

      Open Up and Try a Little Something called Honesty.

      Hey Everybody!  I'm back this week, debating on what to talk about actually. There's something else that went into this whole music decision making thing that was important. It is also, however, tough to admit, especially knowing that my family will probably read this post. I finally decided, "Whatever! Everyone goes through hard times, but it's the people that are willing to talk about it who change lives." and now that I think about it, that sentence is the whole reason I'm even writing my songs, right?

Realizing what I had Lost

     So... Before my dad asked me to  write the album, before I decided to do a senior project with it, before so, so many things that have happened, I was going through a really rough period in my spiritual life. For some reason, the faith I had kept so feverishly all of growing up felt distant, felt like it was fading. My heart longed to feel close with my Savior again. After a while of wondering just what had gone wrong, I realized that I had let my friends take God's place in my life... I cared about them more than I cared about Him. It was so wrong, and I felt so guilty. I wondered, "how did I let this happen? I never thought this could happen! He was my best friend... and now?" Now I felt like I had betrayed God. Our closeness had faded away, and life was cold, confusing, hurtful. There was no one there who knew me back and fourth, through and through, or who I felt liked loved me as much as He did. (I'm not saying God wasn't there anymore, but I didn't feel the closeness I used to feel with Him, and that made it feel like He wasn't, even though He always is. Just being clear that I know the Lord never abandons.)

      I began to feel depressed, and the more I tried to pray the more I felt like I just couldn't.

      I was so confused. Why couldn't I connect to God again? When I realized that it wouldn't be a quick prayer of "I'm sorry" and we'd be back to where we used to be, when I realized that I had lost a lot of the relationship I had build up over years and years of reading my bible and praying all the time, and that it would take a lot more than a little prayer to get all of that back, I grew very sad. I cried a lot... I felt guilty, I felt confused, lost, desperate. 

Questioning my Faith

    Honestly the main reason I even agreed to writing the album in the first place was because I thought maybe, somehow, I could communicate with God better if I tried through music... but it didn't go exactly as I had been hoping. 

    For some reason, praying was really, really hard at this time. Believing in God was actually starting to become hard... I'm not stupid, I know this world didn't come from nowhere and nothing, and I know that all the amazing things here have a creator, but not feeling His presence was weird, and somehow it made me doubt more and more each day. I was beginning to wonder if I believed in God because that's how I was raised and I wanted to have something more than life on earth to believe in, or because I really did believe.The two things that kept me knowing that He MUST be there were 1) this beautiful, magnificent world that could, in no possible way, have been an accident, and 2) I knew that I had felt Him before. I knew that the feeling of God's love and presence, was real. So I kept trying. Because guys, He's real. 

The Prayer Journal

     I realized I had to do something. I had to start really putting Him first again. I had to get that relationship with Jesus back. I knew that I tended to grab a notebook and write letters to friends before I would grab my bible or anything. I started a Prayer Journal, but it started more as letters to God/Jesus. I had come to learn over the year and a half that I had been writing to my friends, that I express myself pretty well through writing my thoughts out. At the moment, that seemed like the best way to communicate with Him. 

     I made it a goal to write to Him every day, no matter what happened, I would write at least a few sentences to God, even if I dreaded it. I wasn't going to let my faith die out. It started with honestly. I laid out all my confusion, and I even dared to say (a few days later anyway) that I wanted to feel like He was real again, because I didn't. 

     The letters got longer and longer, I wrote about random things I might have written about to a friend, like what I did that day, how annoying my sisters were being, how I was scared to grow up, you know, just stuff he already saw and knew; but hey, at least I was saying something.

    Until I Rest In You, Oh God.

The day I finally started to feel His presence again, was a very wonderful day. I was laying in bed, frustrated again, crying, again. listening to a playlist on my ipod, when the song "Restless" by Audrey Assad came on. I hit repeat, and listened until the tears couldn't really flow any faster, or any harder.  

     I sat up, turned on my light, and wrote in my journal a real, true prayer. Something I felt. Something that just bubbled up out of me; things that sounded like a poem, sort of? It was the first time I wondered if I might know how David felt when he wrote out his psalms. 

     Suddenly, finally, I could feel God's presence come over me, giving my heart rest and peace for the first time in a long, longg time. More tears, (these of joy) and more heart ache and more emotions that even I usually have came along with that moment. It was one of those totally overwhelming moments you get when God comes full-on. Like when you're at a huge worship service, or some kind of weekend youth convention, or a missions trip. One of those moments that leaves you shaking and wondering why and how you could ever doubt. 

Praise God for Audrey Assad and her music. haha ;) 
Restless ~ Audrey Assad 

     Here's some pictures of the journal that turned everything in my life back around. And pictures of just one of my now growing in number (again, finally.) bible times. Sometimes rainy days are my very favorite <3 

What I want you to Get from all of This

     What I hope you take away from reading this little bitty part of my private life, and seeing me be a little vulnerable, is that, you're not alone. I want you to see that you aren't the only one who struggles with their spiritual life, and if you are struggling right now with your faith in God, DON'T GIVE UP. I encourage you to do whatever you can do, whether it be telling your youth pastor, talking to a friend who's mature in Christ, or starting your own little book of letters to God, to stay connected and not loose your faith. This world is getting worse and worse day by day, and with everything I've been through, I probably wouldn't be here right now if I didn't have Jesus to go back to, every time I can't stand living in this broken world anymore. Keep Trying. That's all I want you to remember. It will be worth it. And he DOES love you, always. 

well, I'll be back soon with something a little less intense for ya'll. :) God bless you lovelys! Have a fantastic week. :) 

~ Arianna

 

When Senior Year Got Involved...

  Senior Year Jitters

     Hey guys! :) Here I am with the next bit to this story, ready to hear this? This takes my the whole music project up to the next level of scary...

     I go to an on line project-based school called Edvisons. How it works? You get school credit by doing projects of things you love! Like... Once my friend and I presented a project on making a music video. That's right, we got to make a music video together, had loads of fun, and got to log time for it! This school rocks, but that's not what I'm talking about here. 

     A "Senior Project" is required for graduation at this school. It has it's own set of fancy shmancy rules along with regular project rules, and you have to have at least 300 hours logged for it by the end of the school year. It has to be big and (preferably) original, and you have to do a 20 minute presentation in front of a lot of people the spring of your senior year. In case you don't already know, I'm a senior this year... so yeah, yikes. 

  The Realization

     I first realized that my senior project might collide with my album when I watched my friend's senior presentation last spring. Wow, that's all I have to say. She did an amazing job, and I'm SO proud of her, but I realized... a senior project is bigger than I had been anticipating apparently. Meaning... I'm gonna have some serious work to do! This could majorly collide with my album... Which would mean that neither of them would turn out the way I wanted.

     I talked to my mom, and she wanted me to use my CD as my senior project. I thought she was crazy. I love her to death but she has no idea how scary it is to sing on a stage, let alone sing songs that you wrote! Telling my school, my teachers, everyone about it and showing them evidence (the CD, eventually...) was a horrifying thought. I'm starting to own up to the fact that I'm a big fat chicken about most things... even though I'm always talking about going on adventures and doing scary things, if it came down to it I can almost promise you I'd chicken out. The friend I was dragging to the roller coaster would have to drag me on. 

That's it, I'm getting brownies.     

     No really. I can't stand this craving anymore. 

oooh! dark chocolate... :D

mixy! mixy!

poury! poury!

  ohh my gosh I can't wait! I'm not even supposed to eat gluten, so hehe........ rebel midnight snacker. ;) ;) ;) Also I'm listening to Jingle Bells, just so you know. ;)

...It is obviously wayyy to late for me to be blogging publicly... I have a feeling I'm going to regret this in the morning. Don't worry mothers, I don't get deathly ill from gluten, it just isn't the best for me. ;) I'll let you know in about 28 minutes how they turn out!!!

     Where Were We?

     I'm sorry guys, I have an unhealthy addiction to brownies. Anyway! So I kept on thinking about doing music as my senior project, and the more I thought, the more and more terrified I was. I talked to my best gals about it, and they both said things like "I believe in you honey" and "If this is what God wants for you then you can totally do it!" you know, best-friendy stuff that best friends say. I was still scared. I was so scared that I didn't even talk to my dad about it until much much later. I knew he would say we could do it, and I wasn't sure that we could...

     I talked to Larry, my advisor for my school, and told him everything I was worried about. If I went into all the details right now of why we were so concerned it wasn't going to work out, this blog post would be even longer; and it's not even half over and already I'm feeling like I've talked forever. Someday I'll explain a little more, but for now, just know that we had a list. 

Anxiety.

     

     One of my biggest problems was the unbelievable amount of anxiety I was going through in all of this. After I first said yes to my dad, I walked around the house in a trance-like terror for days. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to sing, I didn't want to listen to my favorite music artists much because the thought that I could end up as big as they were freaked me out too badly, I would have moments where I would breath hard and think "I'm crazy, I can't believe how terrified I am. I can't even think straight!" I didn't want to practice my guitar either, I was just a mess, and it went on for about three straight weeks until I finally came to a place where I could trust God, and say that if He brought me to it He would bring me through it. I knew that, until He actually brought me to a stage anyway, I would be okay.

     I still didn't sing as loudly as I used to, or practice guitar at all. It was like the deal I made with my dad- 

AH! BROWNIES! brb guys. This is an emergency. Yay! they're beautiful and I'm letting them cool for another 15 minutes or so, even though I desperately want to stick a fork in right now and have-at-it. Ugh. The struggle.

     As I was saying, it was like the deal I made with my dad ended up turning me off all the things I should've been aspiring toward. Not the ideal way to start making a CD, I know. 

     I told Larry that if I tried to make this even bigger and turn it into my senior project, I was worried my zombie-like self would come back and I wouldn't want to do anything for the project. He said that there were ways to get through anxiety, to think about it and talk to someone I trusted... 

Thank God for Youth Pastors!

     Jill, my youth director, is an amazing gift from God, she really is. I asked her to meet with me, and we talked about my fears. I asked her "If I'm so scared to do this, couldn't that be God's way of telling me not to?"

     I don't know what I'd be doing right now if she hadn't said the following verse to me, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be blogging about brownies and cold feet... 

 

     God does not make us timid and scared, he gives a spirit of power! Of love, and of a sound mind. Not a mind that is running around, unsure about everything and worry-some. So if this spirit of fear wasn't coming from God, and it was stronger than any fear I'd ever had before, well... Do I even have to ask myself who it's coming from?

     Then Things Turned Upward.  

     Oh I was mad, and embarrassed, that I had let the devil play me like a -

AH! YEAH! BROWNIES! hehe hang on. ;)okay, life is good now that I have half the pan in my bowl. the other two gone my brother took. what a hog.

           Anyway, I was pretty upset, but also, ready to fight him back. 

 The "I Am" pages

When I went home I did something I think was long long over due. I made "I Am" pages. They're something I made up that I strongly encourage you to do! It's so much more uplifting than making a list of good things about you that you come up with by yourself. Believe me, I've done that a hundred times, and having the encouragement come directly from the God of the universe means a lot more than having it come from you. 

     I googled some verses, and went a little crazy on these two pieces of notebook paper, underlining and using words in passages of the bible to describe who I was, through Him. Check it out:

 

 

These seriously felt awesome. When I was done, I read them over and over, realizing that if God said all these things about me, they must be true! I went right to my dad's office. Ready to do this thing. or, to at least think about it. ;) 

The Analogy That Made Up My Mind.

     I was going to be honest, I was going to just tell him the whole truth, I decided, as I sat down on the black carpeted steps across from his chair. With a beating heart, I began to tell him exactly what was going on, and all about my anxiety the past few months. 

     After he heard about the fear I had, even before I told him about the verse Jill shared with me, he started talking.

     What he had to say is what truly made up my mind. He said "Fear is the dark room the devil takes you into to develop your negatives."

     After a short lesson in old-fashioned film development, and finding out that film before it's developed is called negatives, he proceeded to say some pretty great stuff. So if I haven't lost you yet (I promise to make sure this is my longest post! I'm sorry!) please finish, I promise this is my last section before I wrap it up. 

     "Satan traps you in this dark room of fear, so you're stuck in the dark, and you don't know it, but the more fear you have, the more negative things about yourself will be developed." he started. "He takes every little thing about you, that freckle, that extra few inches, just anything you can possibly think of that could be negative about yourself and developed it more and more, until you're engulfed in your own fear and judgment."

 My eyes were widening, this was better than any analogy I had ever come up with. 

"But, my Arianna," he said, grabbing my eye contact again, "you don't have to fight him, you don't have to dodge the things he's throwing into your path as he desperately tries to stop you, you only have to open the door, and let in the light. And what is the Light?"

     Everything was clear now. God/Jesus/ His word is obviously the light that I needed to let in every time I was surrounded by that fear again, and brought back into that dark room. And I realized, no wonder I felt so good after the "I Am" pages! I had finally let some light into my section of desperate fear! Wow. I couldn't believe how spot on everything was. Suddenly I knew, Really, truly knew, that I could do this. That I was supposed to do this, and that I would do this. 

You're Finally Up to Date!

     Thank you soo SO much for reading all the way to the end of this novel! But hey! now you really know what's going on! 

     My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, I encourage you with all of my whole heart to trust that God knows what He's doing, whatever you're facing! I hope I've encouraged you to seek prayer/guidence and have faith next time you have to make a huge decision. I learned so much because I wanted to make sure I did what God wanted me to do, and nothing else. God bless you all! I'll see you next time when I talk about stuff and things. ;) and probably ice cream, since that's my other favorite dessert. Btw, I hope I made you crave chocolate and bible time today. You're welcome. Hey, one thing I live by (this could be right next to my life verse...) is "Life is short, lick the bowl!" ;) Love you guys so much! Have an awesome week. :D

~Arianna